My crime was a terrible crime.  Even so I thought that I could live with it.  Yet once I was convicted the guilt I felt about what I had done brought the emotional roller coaster too a new low.  On a Wednesday afternoon 5-21-03, I decided I could not live with this any longer.  I was going to my cell in the Olmsted County Jail to get a bed sheet that I could use to tie around the second tier railing behind a pillar so that the guards could not see me and hang myself. 

On the way to my cell I ran into a “Jail House” Christian who saw how downcast I was and asked me if I was O.K.  I responded with a yes and kept going.  He called out as I went “God loves you and I am here if you need to talk.”  As I got to my cell “God loves you” kept going through my mind.  Then I thought about other times that I heard God loves me.  I fell to my knees and through my tears began to confess my sin to God.  I confessed that my life was out of control, that I couldn’t live like this any more and I wanted to die.  I cried out to God to save me and asked Jesus to take control of my life.  When I got up calm had come over me that I had not experienced in my life before.  I went back to the man who spoke those three words “God loves you” to me and asked him if he had a Bible I could use.  He gave me his Bible and I treasure it today.  It was a NIV version of the Bible that is written so a simple man such as me could understand it.  I prayed Lord I know not a good place to begin reading.  Please show me. 

"Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.  Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.  When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.  For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.  Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.  I said’ “I will confess my transgressions to the lord” and you forgave the guilt of my sin.  Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surly the might waters rise they will not reach him.  You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance."

I cried as I read this because not only did I understand what I was reading, but I also knew without a doubt the Lord was speaking to ME a lowly sinner.  I had never believed it when people would say, “God speaks to me” in Scripture.  Now God was speaking his truth to me through this Psalm.  At that time I became hungry for the Word and God has been speaking to me since then.  Praise God! Thank you Jesus!

I soon got to know Andy Kilen through the Bible Studies I began to attend at the jail.  Even though my family was residing in Colorado I wanted to live at The Discipleship Home upon my release from jail so that I could get help in continuing in my new life with Christ.  My wife supported me in my decision.  Now that my year at the home is up and my wife and boys have moved to Rochester I look at it as one of the best decisions I have made.  Living in the home has had such a positive impact in my life.  It was a safe and secure home where I met many wonderful people that help disciple me in my walk with the Lord. 

 I want to thank everyone that agreed to let me stay at the home. I also want to say thank you to each person that has volunteered his or her time, or given in anyway to Rochester Network for Re-Entry.  I have been blessed more than I can say by it.

Most of all I want to thank my Savior Jesus Christ.  He has brought me from death to life.